99 Comments
User's avatar
Jon Purnell's avatar

Brilliant!

Jeffrey Nicholas's avatar

Hilarious…….but not way too close to accurate to be hilarious.

Denise Lapio's avatar

Great, great April Fool's article, Jeff! Clever, funny, and all of CC gets the joke! The Kenmore part was the funniest. Thanks for the laughs and have a fun, fun day.

D Volker's avatar

This takes me back to a childhood memory. Mom used to brag to her friends that she didn’t need a dishwasher. She already had three belt-driven dishwashers (Larry, Deana, and Don). Ahhh, the good old days. 🤫😏

Michael Heath's avatar

"Belt driven"~!

HA~! Very funny :)

Sincerely, Mike

MK's avatar
Apr 1Edited

Shit. I threw my cheese knife away before I realized this was an April Fool's story.

The Babylon Bee makes it to Sequim.

Steve O.'s avatar

MK so now that you have discarded the cheese knife may we assume that your ability to "cut the cheese" is limited.

Steve O.'s avatar

Off topic, when I was small boy we used a special device that had instead of a blade strong sharp metal strings to slice our cheese property.

MK's avatar

Well, no, not exactly. 😬

Teresa's avatar

Love it!! We needed to come up for air. LOL

It takes Nick and I a couple of days to fill up a dishwasher... (with no grandkids)

How many days it would take a single person to fill a dishwasher with ONE plate, ONE fork, ONE cup, ONE spoon?

"Oh Jeff, you might be surprised that other people don't have the same beliefs as you".

carry on sir.... LOVE IT!! :-)

Robert's avatar

Truth is stranger than fiction, isn't it? This is fab!!!

Christy Campbell's avatar

Very clever Jeff. Lightened my heart a bit. Unfortunately it came crashing back down to reality.

Ken's avatar

WS DOT. I need a job.

And the sign said

"Long-haired freaky people

Need not apply"

So I tucked my hair up under my hat

And I went in to ask him why

He said, "You look like a fine upstandin' young man

I think you'll do"

So I took off my hat and said, "Imagine that

Huh, me workin' for you"

Whoa

….Retired

Someone Someone's avatar

You know what's not a joke? The Gazette has a story about the Jamestown tribe wanting the Dungeness Refuge land transfer. We've known about it for a while and now they're public about it. Our congressional rep and senators are behind it.

https://www.sequimgazette.com/2026/04/01/jamestown-seeks-land-transfer-of-dungeness-refuge-protection-island/

MK's avatar

Emily Randall needs to pay her contributors back.

Someone Someone's avatar

Amen.

And it turns my stomach that former Gazette editor Mike Dashiell is now the PR guy for the Jamestown tribe. I know everybody has bills to pay but geez.

Jennifer's avatar

SomeSome, what turns my stomach it that it will never be known how much Mike D. was paid to go there. It's behind the Tribal Iron Curtain.

Steve O.'s avatar

IMO Jennifer the second sentence is a perfect analogy.

Steve O.'s avatar

The process involves a bureaucratic brain conditioned to like a predator pounce upon any profitable opportunity independent of ethics.

Susan C Bonallo's avatar

Let the tribe have what they want, right after they pay the county all the decades of not paying taxes and their fair share. A concept unheard of currently. We could use the funding, but our spending CC commissioners would need to be on a budget!

BUDGET….hey commissioners have you seen this word in practice? You do know the meaning, right?

Steve O.'s avatar

Susan C Bonallo IMO the characteristics of a budget are very similar to a new diet.

Steve O.'s avatar

If they don't spend all of the money by the end of the calendar year they lose an allotment the following year. The commissionaires have a different ideology I believe. We will never reach agreement on the basic tenor of the discussion, I think.

Michael Heath's avatar

Good one Patriot Susan C Bonallo~!

The Clallam County "Three Stooges" never met a budget that they didn't break~! ;-)

Have a spiffy day~!

Sincerely, Mike

Clallamity Jen's avatar

In other words, beware a woman who washes dishes by hand and spent her teen years engrossed in learning about Ted Bundy. Maybe if Ted had memes he would have chosen a different path. Thanks for the April First LOLs!

MK's avatar

No girls in my family. I can give the women a run for their money.

Clallamity Jen's avatar

Men just can’t stay out of women’s sports, can they? LOL.

Jean Pratschner's avatar

What is a dishwasher? Me. Gets the muck out of my nails. I love it, could do it all day, night. Splish splash, steel wool and plastic sponges, love them. I even take a bath in the dishpan water, some food left to munch while bathing.

Susan C Bonallo's avatar

Real women wash dishes, or leave them until husband realizes there are no clean plates. No one said retirement would be easy!

MK's avatar

🤣

A well honed skill I share after mastering dry camping on travels.

Jennifer's avatar

Mk, I've done so much dry off road camping that I realized why underwear has two sides!

Steve O.'s avatar

I heard that the distinction was between front and back.

Steve O.'s avatar

I have never understood the point of underwear. Apparently, it adds a few more items for the washing machine.

Jennifer's avatar

Mk, I don't know what ROFL means, but it worked, at least for a few days... ; )

MK's avatar

Rolling on the floor laughing...

Merino!

Jennifer's avatar

MK, I don't know what Merino means either. Does it have to do with my underwear? I wear granny panties, ordered in bulk. But, I do liven them up with different colors! Bless my heart.

Steve O.'s avatar

Jean Pratschner I cut my nails as short as possible because the filth that forms under them requires only a few days. I don't work on a farm and yet I filth always forms under my fingernails if I don't trim them.

John Worthington's avatar

Madge never told her she was soaking in it.

MK's avatar

Madge was a fox 😆

John Worthington's avatar

Kind of a red headed Phyllis Diller.

Judy Croonquist's avatar

You’re a pip, Jeff. You should apply for Clallum County story teller laureate job.

Jennifer's avatar

And Clallam County Taxpayers wouldn't have to pay. A poet laureate isn't rocket science. In fact, most of the poems posted only make sense to the poet. Roses are Red Violets are Blue who the hell authorized to pay you?

Susan C Bonallo's avatar

The three blind mice, see how they run, see how they spend!

I bet our “POET” is some English lit major with a blood relative living in Clallam County. I would like to paint fire hydrants. Has that position opened up yet? Let me know, I could really add FUN to the area.

sue coffman's avatar

Your humor is contagious! Thank you for this.

Kathy's avatar

I really had to stop and wonder if the part about the DOT tribal liaison was true, it wouldn't surprise me one bit.

Jeff Tozzer's avatar

It's true, and so are the rate hikes. "Kenmore" wasn't true, but someone had already emailed me to say her son is named Kenmore.

Kathy's avatar

Seriously? A liaison for DOT?

Jeff Tozzer's avatar

Yep, and a well-paid one at that.

Kathy's avatar

Next they'll be buying all the ferries.

Eric Fehrmann's avatar

Will they buy them or will they be 'reparations'?

MK's avatar
Apr 1Edited

If electrified, to meet the Washington State Department of Commerce grant requirements, then reparations.

Kathy's avatar

My bad, reparations for sure.

Jennifer's avatar

Kathy, and paid for by funding through our tax dollars! Do they actually pay for the Christmas Lights? NOT!

Johnny's avatar

Maybe the service might/could be better?

Kathy's avatar

Once they own something they can do anything they want with it because they're a sovereign nation. I'm being sarcastic here (I think) but if they wanted to turn them into floating casinos or only allow tribal members to ride, they could.

Jennifer's avatar

Yep, will be better. But you and I will certainly pay for it, not the Tribe, they will profit from it and not pay taxes on the profit....sooo is better worth it?

MK's avatar

Hold onto your shorts. There will be more positions for red herring in all Washington state agencies. There are new laws that the State passes citing no unilateral actions can be taken without consulting with a red herring first.

Jennifer's avatar

MK, what are those? You have my teeth floating and my bladder clenched.

MK's avatar

Essentially nothing the state does from here on out won't happen without first consulting with and then receiving approval from the tribes. This comes from the concept that you've likely heard of as "government to government" relations. In order to further weave that concept into everything the state does they now hire into a multitude of state jobs someone who's essentially handling the consulting to harden that concept.

I pretty much generalize it all as "red herring," to wit, this ridiculous state ferry job. More beaurocracy taking tax payer dollars to hire someone whose soul mission has nothing to do with the actual situation they've been hired into.

Before you know it a ferry won't sail, or be built first without tribal consultation or something ridiculous like that.

Steve O.'s avatar

MK please to examine the bright prospect when the new excise tax on income for millionaires begins to trickle down to the middle class.